What to Say Instead of “Be Careful”
My children have always played fast and loud. As soon as they could walk, they ran and then climbed . . . everything. I lost count the amount of times, “be careful” has come out of my mouth. Going down the slide head first, “be careful”. Turning things into swords, “be careful”. Running, jumping, wrestling and pretty much every other thing they do to give me a mini heart attack was always “BE CAREFUL!”
I sounded like a broken record, and the biggest problem was that saying “be careful” was not effective at all. My kids seemed to ignore, tune out, or perhaps didn’t really understand what I wanted them to do differently. What do we mean when we say “be careful”? Do we want them to stop what they are doing, do something different, slow down? Are we nervous about the situation? Do we think they will get hurt? I could have answered yes to all of the above, so I challenged myself to find a different way to oversee their play. I want my children to be aware of their body, problem solve, and be considerate of those around them. The first task for me was to take a step back while supervising them, allow them to take risks, and challenge themselves even when it made me feel uncomfortable. But when I do see a situation where I have that knee jerk reaction of “be careful”, I try to give them more specific direction.
For example, sticks, bats, icicles, rocks or anything else that is being swung, thrown, whacked or smashed. Instead of “be careful” I might say….
“What’s your plan with that big stick?”
“Give yourself space when you swing that around.”
“Back up from your brother, sticks need space.”
“Before you throw that , take a look around you.”
Any sort of climbing situation whether it is trees, fences or other….
“Do you feel safe there?”
“What’s your next move?”
“Does that branch feel strong?”
“I’m here if you need me?”
“Take your time.”
“Using two hands helps you hold on tight.”
In addition, when we see any behaviour we want to increase, it is effective to point it out. So when your children are playing in a way that you approve of, make note of it. For example, you can say . . .
“Thanks for backing up before you threw that rock.”
“I like how you are moving slowly around the campfire.”
“Great idea to put that stick down before jumping/running/tackling, etc.”
“Awesome remembering your helmet before getting on your bike.”
“That was nice of you to check in with your brother.”
It is healthy for children to take risks, test boundaries and challenge themselves. It helps them build confidence and competence. Sometimes it is necessary to intervene, but often we nervous moms just need to get out of their way!
Written by Ashley Colvin, Parent Support Educator